Thursday 29 November 2012

Melbourne

Monday 12th November 2012

At the old Melbourne Gaol was our first stop I cunningly blagging a 50% discount on entry for being  a National Trust member (without even being asked to provide corroborative evidence) and sallied forth into the main exhibit.

Cell after small cell, there was a unfortunate life story to embrace, that each ended on the prison gallows for their crimes. Gruesomely, each cell also had a eerie plaster cast "death mask" for each unfortunate courtesy of the then emerging science of Phrenology - the science of studying facial and skull shapes in an effort to identify the characteristic features of the criminal mind.

The Old Melbourne Gaol is also famous/infamous for its part in the tale of Australis favourite anti-hero, Ned Kelly, who spent his final days here before being executed. I couldn't help imitating ...


his crimes...


and his punishment (on this very gallows).

A more interactive side attraction to the gaol was a recently decommissioned (1994) holding station for more weekend drunkards and other arrestees.


Tuesday 13th November 2012

The next day I took the option of the later train in to Melbourne. Just outside the train station I discovered that a sunscreen company was offering free UV photos, just like you see on those terrible Channel4 "embarrassing bodies" type TV shows.

These allow you to determine the level of sun damage you'd done to your skin and the Aussies seemed well taken by this, which isn't surprising really, as the ozone hole means that the sun is fiercely strong "down under" and many Aussies sported leather hide like skin.

Not wanting to turn down anything that was free, I immediately got a place in the queue; do you think I have sun damaged skin?


Slightly shocked by the result (only slightly better than the average Aussie) I took the free sunscreen samples and plastered my face against the ravages of further UV exposure. This lead to all photos taken that day having an odd appearance as in my haste to protect my skin, I'd failed to realise that i was smearing my face in a not so invisible, "SPF30+ invisible foundation". Oops, not my manliest moment by a long shot!

Later that morning I visited the Immigration museum and tried to work out whether Australia would give me permanent visa: I scored 90% on the citizenship test with no revision (75% pass threshold) and so would be allowed to enter if i had a company sponsor or desirable career profile.

I also sat through an interactive video quiz and correctly accepted the 1930s couple into Australia (a pair of teachers/aspiring farmers with growing family) and rejected another (actor and travel agent in 2012) according to policy of the day.

At the end of the day I popped into the Victorian Parliament and was enchanted by the gold plated chambers, decorated at the height of Gold Rush optimism. These were modeled on the British parliament system (green chairs for the lower chamber, red for the upper), but unlike the entertaining political barracking that occurs once a week in PMQs, here in Oz the politicians seemed strangely tongue tied for a nation not known for their quiet ways. (Think gentile village church committee AGM instead of jeering and foot stamping).



Just inside the entrance to the Parliament of Victoria - you're not allowed to take photos in the actual chambers
I finished off the day with a boat trip down the Yarra, with some great bridges and view of the Rod Laver arena (of Australian Open fame).

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